some stuff of life.

photo motos.

2007-07-17T23:11:00.000-07:00

mmm-kay. So, I just finished Peace Like a River. Decent. It's too early to write a review about it though...its one of those books that is like wine...it needs to age a bit...be savored. Anyway.

here are some pictures of the summer thus far.The Annual Mt Hood Classic Photo Op.
Jeremy and Hampus Smarter than they look.
Local riff-raff at the hotel.
Jeremy's short-lived stint as a child care provider.
One of the few existing photos of Amy and Lisa.
The mighty Hood River. (see if you can spot both people in this photo!)

Here's proof.

2007-06-24T22:33:00.001-07:00

Today was nice. I got a lot of reading done. I finished one of the books that I was reading: A Death in the Family, and I started and finished Dove after that.
Both were good books, both made me cry. Then again, I can't think of a book that I've read in the past 2 years that hasn't made me get a few tears....well, maybe some of the kids books that I've read to Lukasz and Dominik, but you'd be surprised, even children's books can be extremely poignant and moving. I really like the thought of reading books aloud with other people -- not that it's a new concept, but rather one that I just haven't practiced all that often.

I wrote this a few years ago, and found it a few months ago, and relived it a few moments ago for the past few lifes....

Grace; It hurts me like a wound. Like a bruise deep under my skin. I forget about it. And then something touches it...reminds me that it is there. And I wonder how I could've forgotten about it. It takes my breath away, sings me to sleep at night and wakes me up every morning. My heart might evaporate, and then dissipate over all in the room. The day of love is approaching. The world is still spinning around and I still love you. What a great time to be alive.

sincerely, lisa.

One for the road....
"Grandmother's friends would never believe that I could ever be playing pinball."- Carol Page

Strolling down death alley!

2007-05-27T01:13:00.000-07:00

Upon returning to Oregon from California I was thrown into a world where gun violence, high-speed driving, and pollution seemed mellow and comforting. Let me explain-- yesterday while rambling through the forest I realized how painfully unprepared I was to face some of Mother Nature's fiercest predators!!!! I would've written to warn you sooner, but this is the first time I've been able to think about that ordeal without weeping and trembling.
Growing up in Oregon, living on the edge of a forest, I was taught what to do in case of cougar encounter (wave sticks over your head and act tall and shout!), if I got lost (travel downhill, don't drink your own urine, even if you are dehydrated!) or if I were to meet a bear (look it straight in the eye, stick out your right hand and in a firm voice say, "hello, my name is Lisa, so nice to meet you." har har har). But there were some things that I failed to receive adequate warning about -- I can not emphasis the importance of these things enough -- so I am trying to let you benefit from my knowledge and warn you! Please pay attention!
First off, we have one of nature's most clever and sinister animals, the mule deer. Not only do you have to worry about it's hooves and horns and gnashing teeth, but the most dangerous part of it, is it's brain. This treacherous animal is the most famous creator of the infamous, "deer trail". Yes, the "deer trail". The doppleganger of real trails everywhere. These are the trails that appear to lead to somewhere, but after you follow it long enough to make it not worth turning back, it disappears, leaving you utterly, utterly alone and directionless (assuming that you, like me, never carry a compass). They do this, I believe, to lure lone hikers to a location of their (the deer's) choosing where then the deer kill them. As soon as I realize that I have been on a deer trail that has petered out, I start running AWAY from that area as fast as the forest floor will permit. I refuse to stay in that vulnerable of situation, playing right into the deer's hands (or hooves if you will). There is no telling where they have lead you, or for what sinister reason. I believe that it is this strategy of running that has indeed kept me alive thus far.
However, the mule deer has allied itself with some of the natives. The first is Toxicodendron diversilobum, or in layman's terms, POISON OAK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!. One of the favored tactics of the deer/oak alliance is to make a "deer trail" that runs deep into POISON OAK!!!!!!!!!!!! territory before vanishing. I believe this two-fold pyschological tactic is to discourage people from running away to save their life because they are afraid of the poison oak(!!!!), thus leaving them helpless and lost at the mercy of the mule deer. (dun dun duh!) The true essence of psychological warfare.
The third conspirator is the common woods spider (!!!!!!). This little beast's eyes are bigger (and more numerous) than his stomach. His plot is evolutionary progress at it's finest. After learning that he cannot possible catch a human in his web, he builds it directly at human eye level (truly, it matters not how tall or short you are, the web is always at eye level), and the woods spider attempts to blind and disorient you, so that the mule deer can come and hoof you to death. (tricky!) Your best defense again this little fiend is to wave a common tree stick in front of your face where ever you go. This thwarts the spider's efforts. Also, for added protection and precaution, wave the pointiest stick possible, and you might accidentally spear one of these spiders thus preventing him from ever returning to his life of woods bullying.
So, my best advice to you, to enjoy a pleasant afternoon in the woods without fear of maiming or death is to: run everywhere you go, wave a stick in front of your face as you run so that you do not fall victim to the spiders, and most importantly, always, always, be looking down. Never let your eyes leave the ground. Be constantly vigilant that you are not trekking through the poison oak!(!). To remind you of these things I've come up with a simple acronym: L.I.V.E. Don't be Led astray, wave a stick In front of you, always have Vigilant Eyes. Remember that, and your life should be long and pleasant.

shoot.

2007-04-29T13:29:00.000-07:00

my camera broke -- no dice. oh well. This was one of it's last photos. Well done my little camera, well done. We had lots of memories together. Your time was cut short, but you will always live on in my heart.

i kinda love these people.

being too technical.

2007-03-25T02:48:00.000-07:00

*yawn*

I am tired.

But there are words and thoughts that I would like to remember. There are songs that I would like to sing. There are people that I would like to talk to and there are places that I would like to go. But as for now, I am only going to get the words down and maybe sing a song to myself as I type.

Lifelifelifelifelifelifelifelifelifelife. eeeesh.

I love life. But sometimes I get a bit cynical. Sometimes I get a bit down trodden. Sometimes I have a hard time not being greedy for Heaven.

I have been sitting out on the lawn reading and thinking quite a bit recently. I really think that I should be doing homework, but I just don't care enough about somethings to give up caring about others.

I've been praying a lot more lately... Really making a conscious effort to pray about specific people and things. Prayer is a strange concept to me. I don't know really how to pray. Is it different than just talking? Should it be? Prayer reminds me of who I am.

I pray for the wisdom to have faith, The faith to believe in grace, And the grace to live freely in love.

Now I'm going to sleep.

[I'm a-nodding and a-blinkin'

and I'm beginning to be-a-thinkin'

that its time to go-a-winkin', a-slinkin' off to sleep.]

[catch my eyelids as they fall.]

good night.

lisa.

leaf it.

2007-01-16T14:48:00.000-08:00

Remembering is quite possibly the best feeling in the world... Not reminiscing, although that is awfully nice. No, I mean, having that, "oh, yeah." type of moment. When the spark of true person shines through after being either hidden or ignored, and we can look and see, oh, yeah. Like that moment in Hook where the little boy is pulling at Peter's face and he has that moment of recognition; "There you are..." I remember you now. I remember why I love you. I remember why you are worth it. I remember the spark that I once saw in you and now I can see it again.

Those "oh, yeah." moments are proof of our foolishness and short-sighted tendencies. How humans can so easily forget...to love, to laugh, to cry, to be young, to grow... but it seems that even in our foolishness, some sort of beauty is allowed through. We are given those moments to allow others back into our lives... To get away from what has hidden us from each other and allow love to live again.

Blah blah blah. I know that I'm not a very romantic person, but I do enjoy to wax poetic, and find myself often romaticizing life. Well. So what? I enjoyed several of these "oh, yeah." moments lately and just wanted to write it down....so that I could read this several months from now and have one of those moments again.

Two of my reminders.

ex's and oh's!
lisa.

life and death.

2007-01-12T11:03:00.000-08:00

The truest meaning of Christmas I've ever heard.
As shared by Gina, a 19 year-old college freshman who's dad died unexpectedly of an unknown cause last September.

"You know, everyone says that the holidays are the worst time after someone close to you has died, and don't get me wrong, I miss my dad every single day, but, if you think about it, Christmas and the holidays are a celebration of the reason that I will get to see my dad again. As corny as it sounds, it's true. It sucks missing him, but its the only reason we have to hope."

The Page Family Christmas News Letter.

2006-12-28T02:19:00.000-08:00

This is the Page family...

Here is John. He is the father. He is older than the rest of them. He also weighs the most. He is a doctor and sometimes flies around in planes. He is sometimes in the Air Force. His official title is, Lt Col John M Page MD FS USAFr. I think that he just adds extra letters when he gets bored with life... just joking! Those actually all stand for something! Imagine that! wowow. As you can see from his picture, he loves to BBQ. He also loves to build things out of wood. He likes to know random trivia and I would also say that he has a bit of wanderlust in him. Soon he is headed off to Afghanistan. I told him to bring me back an afghan, you know, like a shawl. He didn't think it was funny.
So, that is John Page.

Next is the Matriarch of the family, Marcia Page. She doesn't like getting her picture taken. Neither does Sasquatch. Oh well. She plays the piano for funerals and for church. She is a very good pianist. I think that they even made a movie about her. Maybe not. Anyway. Her favorite color is blue and she loves cats. One of her favorite things to do is to take naps just like cats! She is very good at making cinnamon toast late at night. You should come over late at night one time and ask her to make cinnamon toast. She will probably be surprised that you know about it. She will clench her fists and stomp one foot and say, "oh!" but she will be smiling. And seriously, that is exactly the actions she will do. It's funny.
That is Marcia Page.

Then comes Jennine Page. I did not misspell her name! Her name is actually Jennine! We just call her Jenny to make her feel better. She is in medical school in England. She is a lot more driven than I am. She is going to succeed. I won't. wa wa. No, but seriously, she is very smart. Her favorite color is green and her favorite place is Hood River. If she could, she would live here forever and ever. She likes to sleep out on the front lawn. One time some Mormons stopped by while she was sleeping on the lawn. It was slightly amusing. She is 22, but she is almost 23. Her birthday is on December 31st. Wowow. She's old! She has really long hair.
Soon she will have a bunch of letters after her name too. But until then, thats just Jenny Page.

This is Jeremy Page. He is the youngest one. I think that he is also the tallest. He likes to point this out to us every time we are in the same room. One of his favorite things to do is to pick my mom up and move her out of his way. I think he feels powerful. He also really likes to snowboard. I think that he is pretty good too. He wants that to be his future. I hope that whatever he does works out for him. I hope that he goes to the Olympics so that maybe my parents will take me on vacation. That would be neat. He is a senior in high school this year. He is 17. His birthday is on the 4th of July. He has a cat named Sherlock. He torments Sherlock. We all feel bad for Sherlock.
Thats Jerms for you.

Finally, me, Lisa Page. I am older than Jeremy but not as old as Jenny. I go to school, but I'm finishing up early so that I can move to Poland. My favorite song is, "You're in my Heart" by Rod Stewart. It cracks me up and gives me that little jolt of excitement that only your favorite song can. Right now I am up way too late and ought to be in bed. I think that sounds like a fine idea. So I'm going to finish this up and head to bed.

So. That is the Page family. We are wishing you a merry few days after Christmas. And by we, I mean, I am. I hope that life is going well and that the new year doesn't suck as much as this Christmas news letter. ;)

just a piece of the sky.

2006-11-06T18:22:00.000-08:00

The view out my window tonight.

the month of October.

2006-10-31T12:39:00.000-08:00

man o man. There have been so many things going on.
Here is the month of October in photos. Sometimes we have so much for that I think it should be illegal....

....and then I realize that sometimes it is illegal. the court date is set for Nov. 22. wa-wa.

read this.

2006-09-29T02:06:00.000-07:00

Don't let this be you. Fight illiteracy.

sneaky snake.

2006-08-27T01:09:00.000-07:00

ha ha ha. I just saw my profile. It says that I'm 20. weird. No more being a teenager.

this picture is the last day of me being 19. pa-ha.
i might have the power, but it looks like i really just need sun glasses.

ps. i saw "snakes on a plane".

go see it.
take about 5 of your good buddies along with you.
make hissing noises any time there is a quiet moment.
as all the people are getting onto the plane make bets as to which ones will live and which ones will die.
laugh heartily every time Samuel L. Jackson speaks.
take a rubber snake along with you just for the thrill.
don't worry about disrupting anyone else, because you and your friends are probably the only ones in there, besides, no one is really there to watch it seriously....and if they are there to watch it seriously, they will probably walk out in the first 15 minutes.
fair warning, there is ridiculous nudity, and unecessary stupid/violent deaths.
on second thought, it is a terrible movie.
but it might've been worth it for the music video at the end.
and to see Samuel L. Jackson tazing snakes....on a plane.
ha ha ha ha.
good night.
lisa.

landslide.

2006-08-18T01:21:00.000-07:00

Dear ----------,
I am sitting on the side of a mountain writing to you this letter. Letters are much more difficult than conversations. Its hard to stay to the point, because my thoughts are constantly wandering. With conversation, there is someone else to keep you on track. Maybe that is why God created other people and relationships -- so that we could actually think and whatnot -- ha ha, probably not. Oh well.
Well, since I am sitting here by myself with no one to converse with, I guess that you are going to get whatever random tangent comes to mine. Neat-o.
There are about a bajillion humming birds up here, and they all seem very fond of mating. I laughed at them for a while, but then sombered up when my mind drew the parallel between them and humans. (Drat. And once again thinking ruins one of life's hilarities -- but onle for a little while - they are just too dang funny not to laugh at.) Anyway, it just all seems so futile. C'mon! You are all just birds! You eat, mate and die. There is no hope for anything different or better. Why do you keep doing it?! Its hard to be realistic and not become cynical. But then, on the flip side of things, It really is difficult to stay cynical when everything that is surrounding me is incredible. And honestly, the lake, the mountain, the view -- they all are spectacular, and I would be very content if there were no humming birds. But none of those things have made me laugh or brought joy like these "futile" little birds have.
And maybe thats the basis of romance and relationship -- this little extra that we would be fine without, but that undeniably brings something to this life like nothing else can.
Hmm...Maybe relationships have less to do with love and more to do with hope and joy, and the hope of more joy to come. Think about it -- we might love our enemies, but we don't date them. Relationships start out of hope and joy and they end when the hope and joy are gone or if they've moved on to a new locations.
I also think that there is a deception. It's a false sense of this hope/joy combination that drives people to do foolish things. I believe it is not unlike the same feeling compulsive gamblers have. And unfortunately, it is not until they are found lacking something that they once cherished that they realize they were the the fool.
Then what happens next? Forgiveness. Not in the sense of "I'll take you back, lets forget that this happened" or even by giving up the pain that is caused. The pain was and is real. No, forgive to let go of bitterness. It is bitterness, not pain that will eat you up. (I realize that I am writing this as much to myself as I am to you.) Even if the other person doesn't know it right away, you must forgive. To go through it once is hard enough, but to keep reliving it is terrible.
Ok, new thought -- what then is love? Maybe it is a commitment to never even allow yourself to look for that hope and joy in anyone else. Maybe thats why marriages fall apart -- they were "committed" to each other, but they let their eyes and heart wander -- not with sinister intentions necessarily, and maybe it's not even that they let them wanter, but they had just neglected to guard against the temptations others present.
Ugnh. So how the heck do we know that when it's ok or safe to give away part of our hearts to someone else? I guess we don't. I read something that I'd written in my Bible -- "Without risk there is no faith" -- and I think that having faith in someone else is much more sketchy than having faith in God. It's a huge risk. And maybe thats why we're not forced to take it. And maybe love isn't the one to blame. Maybe it's not love that makes us turn to jello and blithering idiots. Maybe love is just a simplistic act of departing from ones self so that it doesn't care of it's accepted or rejected or forgotten. Is that possible? Oh, I don't know. Maybe there is no such thing as romantic love...? Bah.
Anyway, I am praying for you. Keep loving others as its in your heart to do. Id you have thoughts to add or whatnot, let me know.

Sincerely,
Lisa Page.

wave

2006-07-23T00:33:00.000-07:00

things that bother you
never bother me,
i feel happy and fine.
aha!
living in the sunlight,
loving in the moonlight,
having a wonderful time.

haven't got a lot,
i don't need a lot,
coffee's only a dime.
living in the sunlight,
loving in the moonlight,
having a wonderful time.

The (Hood River water) District sleeps alone tonight.

2006-07-18T00:53:00.001-07:00

Eeek.
This is a fun key board to type on.
And this page is just so.......green!!! neat.

I hope that Colin is doing well at his brat camp. (side note, Colin is not a camper. Don't get that confused. as Jeremy said, "colin is like the nicest kid in the world". So, Colin is not a brat camp....well he is....but not as a camper.....and it's not really called brat camp.....at least thats what he says.......we may never know the truth.) Anyway, I hope that he is well.

I am headed back to California soon. I am very excited to go on a back packing trip.
I was driving back from Portland last night and I-split-second- last-minute- waited-for-the-final-hour- decided that I wanted to go on a hike, so I pulled the car off the freeway, put my swimsuit on and went looking for a water fall. I found one. And then I found another. They were both very pretty and equally surprising. It is a marvelous thing to hear the sound of the freeway and the heat of the land melt away into a shwishing mist. And then I had to pee. It is also a marvelous thing to be able to pee in such a scenic location. Not that bathrooms aren't nice, but as a girl, I don't get tons of chances to pee outside whenever I'd like. Well, maybe I could, but I guess I just don't usually use those chances. Leave me alone.
I would post some pictures, but, Oh-Lordy, I can't find the cordy! ha ha ha. But I do have some other pictures of related events. Such as water. And a shower.

Yes, Love.

yes, lisa.

Whats that riding on your everything?

2006-06-26T21:39:00.000-07:00

Oh got to see, got to know right now.

Jerms and I went to Pirate's Cove today. It was enjoyable. On the walk there, Jeremy demonstrated how he could walk on the railroad track while drinking his soda. It took a couple tries, but we finally got a picture of him actually doing it. Neat.

Then an osprey got very angry at us for walking under her nest and she threatened to dive-bomb us into oblivion. This is a picture that I took while I was covering my head/running away/building a shelter. It looks sort of like a bad picture. But don't let looks fool you. It is a very good picture. It captured the scene the exact way it looked through my tears of fear. Indeed!

All in all, it was a very enjoyable day. Jeremy put some sand on my back, "to help me cool off" but then I ended up getting sunburned except where the sand was, so now I have a neat sandy burn pattern on my back. =) wa-wa.

It isn't anything at all.

lisa.

just around the river bend.

2006-06-17T17:48:00.000-07:00

There are so many great moments in life.

I just got back from Bend. Well, not just, but I did get back.

I've got nothing to do today but smile.

I think I just remembered what it is like to be me.
Meaning.... life is beautiful. There is life in me. There must be some beauty too.
ha ha ha. No, but really.

Sometimes I forget how simple it is to be amazing.

simply amazing.

Sincerely, lisa

where the heart (ache, burn, throb) is.

2006-06-05T02:14:00.000-07:00

Country roads take me home, to the place I belong ... take me home.

Home --
-- where is it? what is it? who is it?

Ha ha ha.

The thought of home -- true home -- is one that has always brought me to tears (The "it's just so beautiful" type of tears.) I'm not exactly sure why.
But it seems that these feelings for home only get stronger the more I lose home.
I spend only 3 months a year in Hood River, meaning that 9 months out of the year are in California (yeah, I passed math. please hold your applause.). I am registered to vote in California. Currently, at least 10% of my worldly posessions could be found in five different places, in three different states. But the bed that I've slept in for the better part of 16 years (I didn't get this bed until I was three) is still in the home, that I've lived in for the better part of my entire life, in Hood River. So where does that leave me? I don't know... Out in the cold as some responsible adult -- ha!

I've lost more of the definition of who I am this year then I would've been comfortable with had I known before hand.
I say good riddance. I will disappear completely before I am in my true self anyway. (I feel that I am sounding like a doped up hippy dippy sort. I'm not sure that I am making complete sense, and these running spiritul methaphors and allusions are even a bit much for me to keep up with. but I press on...) (second thought, not much more pressing on for tonight. I'm pressing onto bed because it is late and I am tired.) But I will leave you with this, and this is what I hold hope to...

"And that time I will gather you; at that time I will bring you home." (zep 3:20)

Until it's time to pack up and go, lisa.

He who is with perfect pitch, let him cast the first tone.

2006-05-21T02:08:00.000-07:00

When peace, like a river, attendeth my way...
When sorrows like sea billows roll...
Whatever my lot, Thou has taught me to say,
It is well, It is well with my soul.

Let peace be with you in these strange new times....

Man, O, Man. Life is strange, and new, and times.

Read this:

"Wonder is my second favorite condition to be in, after love -- and I sometimes wonder whether there's even a difference: maybe love is just wonder aimed at a beloved. Wonder is like grace, in that it's not a condition we grasp: wonder grasps us. We do have the freedom to elude wonder's grasp. We have the freedom to do all sorts of stupid things. By deploying cynicism, rationalism, fear, arrogance, judgementalism, we can evade wonder nonstop, all our lives. I'm not too fond of that gnarly old word, sin, but the deliberate evasion of wonder does bring it to mind. It may not be biblically sinful to evade wonder. But it is artistically and spiritually sinful."
..."Philosophically speaking, wonder is crucial to finding knowledge yet has everything to do with ignorance. Only an admission of ignorance can open us to fresh knowing. Wonder is the experience of that admission: wonder is unknowing, experienced as pleasure. Wonder if a period at the end of a statement we've long taken for granted, suddenly looking up and seeing the sinuous curve of a tall black hat on its head, and realizing it was a question mark all along.
As a facial expression, wonder is the letter O our eyes and make when the state itself descends. O: God's middle initial. O: because wonder Opens us. O(ld) becoming new. Wonder is anything taken for granted -- the old neighborhood, old job, old buddy, old spouse -- suddenly filling with mystery. Wonder is anything closed, suddenly opening: anything at all opening -- which includes Pandora's box, and brings me to the dark side of wonder. Grateful as I am for this condition, wonder, like everthing on earth, has a dark side. Heartbreak, grief, and suffering rip openings in us through which the dark kind of wonder pours. I have so far found it impossible to be spontaneously grateful for these openings. But when, after struggle, I've been able to turn a corner and at least accept the openings, dark wonder has helped me endure the heartbreak, the suffering, the grief.
I believe that is it wonder, even more than fidelity, that keeps marriages alive. I believe it is wonder, more than courage, that conquers fear of death. I believe that is it wonder, not D.A.R.E. bumper stickers, that keep kids off drugs. I believe, speaking of old bumper stickers, that it is wonder, even more than me, that I want to "HUG MY KIDS YET TODAY," because wonder can keep hugging them long after I'm gone. " (David James Duncan -- God Laughs and Plays)

And I think that Rubick's Cubes are God's gift to mankind. Jesus too.

So much love, Lisa.

The Story

2006-04-05T22:17:00.000-07:00

One day as I was walking around campus I saw an old man sitting at a table with a baby. I sat at an open table near them planning on reading and enjoying the sunshine. Well, after watching them for a few minutes, I couldn't help myself. I went over and asked the old man if I could hold the baby. He said of course. He introduced himself. His name was Christian, and the baby's name was Kasper. After about 15 minutes of me holding Kasper, Christian said, wait here, I will go get us coffee. So. There I am. Left in charge of a baby that I don't know. (fun times) After a while, Christian comes back with the coffee and sits down and I ask him about his life. He grew up in Poland and still lives there. He was just visiting with his wife for Kasper's birth. (Kasper was 3 months old at this point). He learned English as a teenager during World War 2, because "it was against the law", and he worked for the CIA during the Cold War. He has traveled the entire world and is fluent in many different languages. We talked for about an hour and a half. He decided that I should babysit Kasper and so he got my phone number and e-mail address so that his daughter (Kasper's mother) could call me, I gave Kasper back, and we parted ways. And that was that....or so I thought.
The next day though I got a phone call. It was his daughter, Roza, asking if I could come babysit in half an hour. I didn't have anything going on, so I did. She was teaching music so she asked if I could just meet her by the music building. She was running a little late, so when she got there she gave me the keys to her mini-van and said that the three boys were asleep inside, and what room she would be in if I needed to find her. All was going well for a while...until the boys woke up. Lukasz and Dominik, who are 5 and 3 years old, freaked out. They started yelling at me in Polish and as soon as Lukasz was free from his car seat he hopped out of the car and started running away sobbing. (oh man). I can't blame them, because it was dark and they wake up in their van with a strange person...not the most comforting atmosphere. I finally convinced Lukasz to come back and that I would take all three of them to their mom (what else could I do?). So, I get Dominik and Kasper out of their car seats and take them to their mom. Lukasz and Dominik spent the rest of the time in the classroom with their mom and I watched Kasper. I felt pretty bad because I had disrupted the class and it didn't seem like the mom was too pleased with me. So, once again I thought that was the end of that... but no.
Roza asked if I could babysit the next week...and the week after that....and every Saturday. The boys have gotten to know me now, so we have a great time together. I'll take them in the mini-van to go get food and I have a fun time playing mom. I get weird looks though. The two oldest have razor scooters that they zoom around on, but Dominik's is far too big for him, so he spends all his time concentrating on not falling, but then he runs into people. It's cute. They love to ride through mud puddles, and I always cheer them on... little boys will be little boys and it's alright to get messy. Ha ha ha. No big deal, right? Well....
Last Saturday when I babysat them it had rained all day. There were huge puddles, but the sun had finally just come out so we could go outside to play. They were having fun splashing in puddles and wrestling around on the grass and I thought nothing of it. They were having a good time. Emily took this picture of us....

Now, check out the sweater that Lukasz is wearing... it meant nothing to me at all. Then one of my friends saw this picture and said, dang! that kid is wearing Dolce and Gabbana. That still didn't really mean much to me. Then I found out that is a $300 sweatshirt. (dang!). Ha ha ha, I'd been encouraging him to roll around in the muddy grass in a $300 sweatshirt. wa-wa. Seriously though, I didn't even know that they made clothing for kids that was that expensive.

Roza had something come up the next night so she called me to see if I could watch them again. I found out that both she and her husband are extremely pleased with me, and I'm pretty proud of that. I'm not going to be there this Saturday, so she is cancelling the class. She said that not many can handle them and that they don't like many people either. I think that was one of the biggest compliments that someone could give me in that area. I have so much fun with them. They call me 'Lika'. I guess that is what my name sounds like in Polish.

This last time I watched them, two of my friends, Josh and Scott, saw me and wanted to hang out with the kids. Kasper had fallen asleep while I was holding him, so I gave him to Josh, and then after a lot of coaxing, Lukasz started showing Scott the toy that he got in his happy meal and Dominik sat on my lap. We were all sitting in the hall way of the music building when Roza came back. She looked and said (in her extremely thick Polish accent) "This is what happens when you hire attractive babysitter...you end up with three babysitters!" (ha ha ha ha!) and I told her, "yeah, I'm using your kids to find a boyfriend." She got a real kick out of that one. Even told her husband when he came in too. It was kinda awkward, but we all had a good laugh.

Well, so thats the newest joy in my life. They keep me one my toes. I do get really weird looks, and people have asked if they are mine. Which is kinda strange... but oh well. I guess stranger things have happened. I wanted to write this all down so that I don't forget it. Life changes so fast, and some things, like kids, it's good just to take some time to slow down and just enjoy.

Much Love,
lisa.

Next on the agenda...... MEXICO.

be still my soul.

2006-03-20T12:55:00.000-08:00

It's been a trip. And by that i mean life is a journey... I am in the library. I like libraries a lot more now then when I didn't know how to use them.
I went to the beach this weekend. I needed to get away from...well, me...myself....my sorrow, my family, everything. I spent some time with Emily's mom, aunt and friends. We scrapbooked. Well, they did and I rode a bike. Then they tricked me into doing layouts for them. ha ha. I think that we each thought that we got the better end of the deal.

It was good to get away and to spend some time in thought and to be loved. I enjoyed the couple hour drive down and back. I'm at a strange place in life right now, and prayer would be appreciated.

I took this picture of these monks as I was leaving the beach. I wish I had followed them back and seen if they got their toes wet in the water. But we were kinda the only ones there and I didn't want to seem obvious. They were pretty smiley guys. They looked happy and so I was happy for them.

For the future I am trying to figure out what I need. Not what I want, but sincerely what I need. For some reason I feel that I will be surprised with the answer that I find.

with love and hope, lisa.

Some things never change.

2006-02-21T22:33:00.000-08:00

heeeeeey.
I went to Mexico for the first time ever. AMAZING. wowow. I heard about the opportunity to lead a mission trip to Mexico during spring break on Tuesday night. Someone said that I would be a good leader. (Yeah, leader. Like I'm going to be responsible for other people. In another country. wowowow. that is big stuff). Welllll, I didn't/don't think that I'm really qualified for it, but it stuck in my mind and God said, it's not your door to close. I went to the office to pick up an application and to get an application to just be on a team (not lead). And so I applied and had my interview at 1:00 on Wednesday and by 1:20 I got an e-mail back that said, "congrats, you're a leader. you are leaving for Mexico at 10:00 tomorrow night to set up the kitchen and bond with leaders for other teams." wowowow. Sooooo. I was completely blown away at this point. I don't know any one else going. I don't know where I'm going. I don't know what I'm supposed to bring, yeah, nothing at all. So I showed up to the place we were leaving from and went to Mexico. It was nothing short of stunning. I got to meet and work with about 20 other people, and we set up and organized food and a kitchen for over 3,000 people for a week. Massive amounts of food. And a couple cockroach encounters. But bonding, Major. God blows my mind again and again and again. I have seen over and over that as long as I keep walking, He puts my steps where they are supposed to be. And it's incredible. Kids. Tacos. Long van rides. Getting lost. Busting out Spanish. New friends. Memories. Love. God. He restoreth my soul.

And now for your viewing pleasure. 4 days ago and 4 years ago. See the difference?

where to?

2006-02-14T18:15:00.001-08:00

Climbing was indescribable. (Have you ever thought it funny how indescribable is used as a description? anyway...) I'm finding that truer with life. I'm on the brink of something. I don't know what it is. Something is different and it's fantastic... And yes joyful. Joyful in such and inexplicable manner. It is a sleepiness, but the furthest thing from being tired. It's the contentment that is only possible from God. Words are a cheap immitation right now. I can't make sense of it. And I just don't know what to do.
"There's so much beauty in the world. Sometimes I feel like I'm seeing it all at once, and it's too much, my heart fills up like a balloon that's about to burst... And then I remember to relax, and stop trying to hold on to it, and then it flows through me like rain and I can't feel anything but gratitude for every single moment of my life."

From whence comes my help.

2006-02-06T01:01:00.000-08:00

Today I turned up my eyes to the hills and I realized how amazingly much I want to be in them. I miss stuff. Stuff like the smell of pine trees and of sun. I miss the way a hammock feels after swimming in a lake. I like the ocean, a lot. But quite honestly, my delight is in the hills. Give me sun, some lodge pole pines, a lake and elevation. Watch me smile.

This picture. This one right here, the one to the left of where your eyes are reading this right now, this is where I want to be. This picture makes my heart leap. This picture is music to my eyes. If my words could express the flutter in my heart that this image causes, I would be a very cool poet.

Sometimes it is very hard to be here when I know that this place exists. Faith and patience. I love it.

My help comes from thee O Lord.

sincerely, lisa

life.love.beauty.

2006-01-31T21:19:00.000-08:00

Wheeeeen the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, that's amore.

Wheeeeen you stand in a creek and an eel bites your cheek, that's a moray.

ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha. oh man. My gpa taught me that one a long time ago and I just thought of it recently. He taught me very many good songs. Mostly old songs that he learned from his navy buddies back in the day. I love my gpa and gma very much. I look up to them and respect them a lot. They are amazing people in my life.

There is a picture of them. Pretty cool people, eh?

I am feeling a bit under the feeling healthy mark, so I think that I am going to head to bed soon and very soon.

I had a time and conversation worth remembering with a friend today. The time was lunch and the conversation was about life and God. God is my everything and the hope and joy he has given me in life and the way that I see things is incredible, and I will not say it is any less.

Beauty is the way that God reveals himself to humans. That is why beauty is different for each person. God reveals himself in different ways. That is also why beauty touches something deep inside of us. Its a longing for something that we didn't even realize was missing. That is why we laugh, cry, jump, dance, sing and go wild.

It's going to be amazing when we see beauty face to face. Until then, reflect it.

love, lisa.

heavenly sunshine.

2006-01-24T10:42:00.000-08:00

Life for me right now is smiley. I have a mondo spanish test coming up tonight and I think a will get an effe. Its not life though, so I'm not too fussed about it.

Yesterday Andrew and I went and sat on that grassy strip of earth right near the exit/entrance on east campus. It has been windy here (it knocked down, not one, but two palm trees on the way to west campus) and so there were a lot of sticks and bits on the ground. Anyway, we just sat as the cars drove by and we threw little sticks and bits at the sidewalk and talked and laughed about life and stuff. And I very distinctly felt deja vu from when I was a whole lot younger and still living in Hood River. Maybe it was the feeling of the wind, or maybe it was the activity, I don't know, but I think that life has more to do with the company in which you spend it, than the way you actually spend it. It's interesting how it seems that it is people that make a place feel like home rather than just a place. But maybe I'm wrong. There is a whole lot of beauty in life. I still sometimes feel like I must be very silly and naive. And I think thats pretty close to the truth.

I am scarred for life.

ihop(e)

2006-01-13T23:11:00.000-08:00

For all appearances sake, I am doing well. I am eating healthy (contrary to the story below) and doing well at work and school. I'm spending time with friends and getting along fine with roommates. But there's something going on....I'm not sure what it is. --You know how people cry at weddings? why do they do that? It's not because they are sad. And I don't think that happy is exactly the right word to describe it either. If you asked them why they were crying, they might say that it is "just so beautiful." -- I kinda feel thats whats going on. It's not that I'm 'happy' or 'sad', I just feel overwhelmed with this sense of beauty, and I'm not exactly sure what to do with that. I think thats why most people cry. They just don't know what to do with it. Maybe thats why I write.

I went to ihop tonight with Emily and Amanda for never ending pancakes. It was (circle one)good/filling/a bad idea/painful. We murdered some pancakes. First off here, we have Emily receiving her pancakes. She sure looks (circle one) happy/excited/terrified/ready to throw up.
It was a nice evening. All the other restaurants were all filled up with lines out the door and we were (circle one) hungry/grouchy/gassy/impatient, so we settled for ihop. But there wasn't a wait, the price was right, and the food was (still a little) warm.
After that fun dining experience, we came back home and watched a movie about CS Lewis and his wife. It was good, but I cried a lot. Because it was so beautiful of course. Ok, it was actually really sad, but touching at the same time. You know what I mean. It was a beautiful day. I thank God for it.

Murdering pancakes.

there is no title.

2006-01-10T19:07:00.000-08:00

So, I flew like a terror-dactyl (one scary dinosaur) back down to California after the Christmas break. Vrrrrrrooooooommmm......There is the view that the people in the airplane had. nice. Anyway, so. I am back at school. I do not have school on Monday, Wednesday or Friday. w00t. and we all know what that means -- long weekend every weekend! woopie! no. not really. I'm working M,W and F (Monday, Wednesday and Friday - just so we are clear on that). But I do enjoy working, so I'm glad at my schedule. I'm making sure to enjoy the little things in life, like Duck Hunt, and watching Emily play Duck Hunt. It's a good game. Also, it was 74 degrees here today, completely blue skies and just the slightest hint of a breeze. (good call). and so I went around wearing a t-shirt and riding a longboard. (another good call). and then i fell asleep in the sunshine so now my clothes smell like sunshine and grass. Well Folkes, it is time for me to be headed off to class. Since, I don't have class on MWF there are long days on Tuesday and Thursday. Like until 9 tonight. woop woop. So, until next time, enjoy beauty, breathe in love and live life. amen.

light at the end of the (carpal) tunnel.

2005-12-03T01:30:00.000-08:00

hello. it's December already. Man oh man. Time goes by so quick. I must be getting old.
We decorated the place up for Christmas. It looks nice. My hair ended up getting redder on me. I guess it is getting ready for Christmas too.

I have been crochetting like a fiend since Thanksgiving. My hands are getting tired, but really, I enjoy it. I am sitting silent with my Maker as I make something for other people. It really is pretty amazing. I wouldn't trade a moment.

I'm still very unsure of where I am going in life, and I am glad of that. Doors are open and as long as I keep my heart open to God, He will lead me through. I am very glad that I am not in a (romantic) relationship with anyone. I sat the other day and I thought about what a kid I still am.

I am pretty severely tired. I still don't think that I have recovered fully from the Thanksgiving drive. It was delightful to see people though. I think that I am just going to go to sleep. It sounds nice. The weekend will be busy. I need to study and do papers and crochet. So much more crochet. oh man. =)

good night to all.

lisa

beach bum.

2005-11-21T00:30:00.001-08:00

This time in a couple of days, I will be passing through Redding, california on my way to Bend oregon on my way to Hood River, OR. I'm pretty excited about the whole ordeal. The drive will be long. But that is ok. I am ok with that. I am hoping to get a lot of crochet done. I need to make 10 hats. (One for each of my toes. What else!)
This picture (taken november 19. why are we in shorts?!!! It's november!!! craziness.) is of me and six freshmen that I am "in charge" of. I am their leader. I think that I have learned more from them than I could ever teach. I learned that being a leader is not about leading them through life, but rather leading your own life in such a way that points to God. God does the real leading.
Looking at this picture makes me laugh. I love each of these people, but in such a weird way. =) ha ha. I am proud of them. They are amazing people and I'm glad that they are in my life.
Yeah, so those are my thoughts on that. =)

love, lisa.

having waaaay too much fun.

2005-11-12T15:34:00.000-08:00

This is a picture of a cat and a lisa.

w00t.

2005-11-12T01:28:00.000-08:00

this is exciting news kids. i figured out this crazy thing. i am saying what i am typing but i am saying it in a crazy accent. and you are missing out. this is why keyboards are inadequate. ha ha ha. hokay. so. i have also decided that it is too dark to try and find the shift key for whenever i want to capitalize a letter, so i have decided to skip that. I have also decided that I will start using captial letters and that I will include some recent photos for your viewing pleasure. This first picture is of my vest swallowing me whole. Fortunately for me, that person was able to poke it in the eyes, and the vest spit me back out. That was close. Now I will change font color. Or I will try to at least. Here we go......
Pow! wow. Kazam! it worked. This next photo is what I believe to be the most recent photo of me, besides the mug shots and all. I look over caffinated and tired at the same time. Go me. I wonder what I was thinking when that picture was taken. I bet I thought that I was looking really cool. Cool.

Yes. My hair is red. I like it like that. I can fake out people and tell them that I am Irish. A bunch of people at school thought that my hair has always been red and that they had just forgotten what I looked like over the summer. I let them think that.

I miss Colin and Jeremy most. No offense everyone else.

Ok, well, I'm going to go catch up on some overcaffinated sleep.

love, lisa.