photo motos.

mmm-kay. So, I just finished Peace Like a River. Decent. It's too early to write a review about it though...its one of those books that is like wine...it needs to age a bit...be savored. Anyway.

here are some pictures of the summer thus far.The Annual Mt Hood Classic Photo Op.
Jeremy and Hampus Smarter than they look.
Local riff-raff at the hotel.
Jeremy's short-lived stint as a child care provider.
One of the few existing photos of Amy and Lisa.
The mighty Hood River. (see if you can spot both people in this photo!)

Here's proof.

Today was nice. I got a lot of reading done. I finished one of the books that I was reading: A Death in the Family, and I started and finished Dove after that.
Both were good books, both made me cry. Then again, I can't think of a book that I've read in the past 2 years that hasn't made me get a few tears....well, maybe some of the kids books that I've read to Lukasz and Dominik, but you'd be surprised, even children's books can be extremely poignant and moving. I really like the thought of reading books aloud with other people -- not that it's a new concept, but rather one that I just haven't practiced all that often.

I wrote this a few years ago, and found it a few months ago, and relived it a few moments ago for the past few lifes....


Grace; It hurts me like a wound. Like a bruise deep under my skin. I forget about it. And then something touches it...reminds me that it is there. And I wonder how I could've forgotten about it. It takes my breath away, sings me to sleep at night and wakes me up every morning. My heart might evaporate, and then dissipate over all in the room. The day of love is approaching. The world is still spinning around and I still love you. What a great time to be alive.

sincerely, lisa.

One for the road....
"Grandmother's friends would never believe that I could ever be playing pinball."- Carol Page

Strolling down death alley!

Upon returning to Oregon from California I was thrown into a world where gun violence, high-speed driving, and pollution seemed mellow and comforting. Let me explain-- yesterday while rambling through the forest I realized how painfully unprepared I was to face some of Mother Nature's fiercest predators!!!! I would've written to warn you sooner, but this is the first time I've been able to think about that ordeal without weeping and trembling.
Growing up in Oregon, living on the edge of a forest, I was taught what to do in case of cougar encounter (wave sticks over your head and act tall and shout!), if I got lost (travel downhill, don't drink your own urine, even if you are dehydrated!) or if I were to meet a bear (look it straight in the eye, stick out your right hand and in a firm voice say, "hello, my name is Lisa, so nice to meet you." har har har). But there were some things that I failed to receive adequate warning about -- I can not emphasis the importance of these things enough -- so I am trying to let you benefit from my knowledge and warn you! Please pay attention!
First off, we have one of nature's most clever and sinister animals, the mule deer. Not only do you have to worry about it's hooves and horns and gnashing teeth, but the most dangerous part of it, is it's brain. This treacherous animal is the most famous creator of the infamous, "deer trail". Yes, the "deer trail". The doppleganger of real trails everywhere. These are the trails that appear to lead to somewhere, but after you follow it long enough to make it not worth turning back, it disappears, leaving you utterly, utterly alone and directionless (assuming that you, like me, never carry a compass). They do this, I believe, to lure lone hikers to a location of their (the deer's) choosing where then the deer kill them. As soon as I realize that I have been on a deer trail that has petered out, I start running AWAY from that area as fast as the forest floor will permit. I refuse to stay in that vulnerable of situation, playing right into the deer's hands (or hooves if you will). There is no telling where they have lead you, or for what sinister reason. I believe that it is this strategy of running that has indeed kept me alive thus far.
However, the mule deer has allied itself with some of the natives. The first is Toxicodendron diversilobum, or in layman's terms, POISON OAK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!. One of the favored tactics of the deer/oak alliance is to make a "deer trail" that runs deep into POISON OAK!!!!!!!!!!!! territory before vanishing. I believe this two-fold pyschological tactic is to discourage people from running away to save their life because they are afraid of the poison oak(!!!!), thus leaving them helpless and lost at the mercy of the mule deer. (dun dun duh!) The true essence of psychological warfare.
The third conspirator is the common woods spider (!!!!!!). This little beast's eyes are bigger (and more numerous) than his stomach. His plot is evolutionary progress at it's finest. After learning that he cannot possible catch a human in his web, he builds it directly at human eye level (truly, it matters not how tall or short you are, the web is always at eye level), and the woods spider attempts to blind and disorient you, so that the mule deer can come and hoof you to death. (tricky!) Your best defense again this little fiend is to wave a common tree stick in front of your face where ever you go. This thwarts the spider's efforts. Also, for added protection and precaution, wave the pointiest stick possible, and you might accidentally spear one of these spiders thus preventing him from ever returning to his life of woods bullying.
So, my best advice to you, to enjoy a pleasant afternoon in the woods without fear of maiming or death is to: run everywhere you go, wave a stick in front of your face as you run so that you do not fall victim to the spiders, and most importantly, always, always, be looking down. Never let your eyes leave the ground. Be constantly vigilant that you are not trekking through the poison oak!(!). To remind you of these things I've come up with a simple acronym: L.I.V.E. Don't be Led astray, wave a stick In front of you, always have Vigilant Eyes. Remember that, and your life should be long and pleasant.

shoot.

my camera broke -- no dice. oh well. This was one of it's last photos. Well done my little camera, well done. We had lots of memories together. Your time was cut short, but you will always live on in my heart.

i kinda love these people.

being too technical.

*yawn*

I am tired.

But there are words and thoughts that I would like to remember. There are songs that I would like to sing. There are people that I would like to talk to and there are places that I would like to go. But as for now, I am only going to get the words down and maybe sing a song to myself as I type.

Lifelifelifelifelifelifelifelifelifelife. eeeesh.

I love life. But sometimes I get a bit cynical. Sometimes I get a bit down trodden. Sometimes I have a hard time not being greedy for Heaven.

I have been sitting out on the lawn reading and thinking quite a bit recently. I really think that I should be doing homework, but I just don't care enough about somethings to give up caring about others.

I've been praying a lot more lately... Really making a conscious effort to pray about specific people and things. Prayer is a strange concept to me. I don't know really how to pray. Is it different than just talking? Should it be? Prayer reminds me of who I am.

I pray for the wisdom to have faith, The faith to believe in grace, And the grace to live freely in love.

Now I'm going to sleep.

[I'm a-nodding and a-blinkin'

and I'm beginning to be-a-thinkin'

that its time to go-a-winkin', a-slinkin' off to sleep.]

[catch my eyelids as they fall.]

good night.

lisa.

leaf it.

Remembering is quite possibly the best feeling in the world... Not reminiscing, although that is awfully nice. No, I mean, having that, "oh, yeah." type of moment. When the spark of true person shines through after being either hidden or ignored, and we can look and see, oh, yeah. Like that moment in Hook where the little boy is pulling at Peter's face and he has that moment of recognition; "There you are..." I remember you now. I remember why I love you. I remember why you are worth it. I remember the spark that I once saw in you and now I can see it again.

Those "oh, yeah." moments are proof of our foolishness and short-sighted tendencies. How humans can so easily forget...to love, to laugh, to cry, to be young, to grow... but it seems that even in our foolishness, some sort of beauty is allowed through. We are given those moments to allow others back into our lives... To get away from what has hidden us from each other and allow love to live again.

Blah blah blah. I know that I'm not a very romantic person, but I do enjoy to wax poetic, and find myself often romaticizing life. Well. So what? I enjoyed several of these "oh, yeah." moments lately and just wanted to write it down....so that I could read this several months from now and have one of those moments again.

Two of my reminders.

ex's and oh's!
lisa.

life and death.

The truest meaning of Christmas I've ever heard.
As shared by Gina, a 19 year-old college freshman who's dad died unexpectedly of an unknown cause last September.

"You know, everyone says that the holidays are the worst time after someone close to you has died, and don't get me wrong, I miss my dad every single day, but, if you think about it, Christmas and the holidays are a celebration of the reason that I will get to see my dad again. As corny as it sounds, it's true. It sucks missing him, but its the only reason we have to hope."

The Page Family Christmas News Letter.

This is the Page family...

Here is John. He is the father. He is older than the rest of them. He also weighs the most. He is a doctor and sometimes flies around in planes. He is sometimes in the Air Force. His official title is, Lt Col John M Page MD FS USAFr. I think that he just adds extra letters when he gets bored with life... just joking! Those actually all stand for something! Imagine that! wowow. As you can see from his picture, he loves to BBQ. He also loves to build things out of wood. He likes to know random trivia and I would also say that he has a bit of wanderlust in him. Soon he is headed off to Afghanistan. I told him to bring me back an afghan, you know, like a shawl. He didn't think it was funny.
So, that is John Page.




Next is the Matriarch of the family, Marcia Page. She doesn't like getting her picture taken. Neither does Sasquatch. Oh well. She plays the piano for funerals and for church. She is a very good pianist. I think that they even made a movie about her. Maybe not. Anyway. Her favorite color is blue and she loves cats. One of her favorite things to do is to take naps just like cats! She is very good at making cinnamon toast late at night. You should come over late at night one time and ask her to make cinnamon toast. She will probably be surprised that you know about it. She will clench her fists and stomp one foot and say, "oh!" but she will be smiling. And seriously, that is exactly the actions she will do. It's funny.
That is Marcia Page.



Then comes Jennine Page. I did not misspell her name! Her name is actually Jennine! We just call her Jenny to make her feel better. She is in medical school in England. She is a lot more driven than I am. She is going to succeed. I won't. wa wa. No, but seriously, she is very smart. Her favorite color is green and her favorite place is Hood River. If she could, she would live here forever and ever. She likes to sleep out on the front lawn. One time some Mormons stopped by while she was sleeping on the lawn. It was slightly amusing. She is 22, but she is almost 23. Her birthday is on December 31st. Wowow. She's old! She has really long hair.
Soon she will have a bunch of letters after her name too. But until then, thats just Jenny Page.


This is Jeremy Page. He is the youngest one. I think that he is also the tallest. He likes to point this out to us every time we are in the same room. One of his favorite things to do is to pick my mom up and move her out of his way. I think he feels powerful. He also really likes to snowboard. I think that he is pretty good too. He wants that to be his future. I hope that whatever he does works out for him. I hope that he goes to the Olympics so that maybe my parents will take me on vacation. That would be neat. He is a senior in high school this year. He is 17. His birthday is on the 4th of July. He has a cat named Sherlock. He torments Sherlock. We all feel bad for Sherlock.
Thats Jerms for you.

Finally, me, Lisa Page. I am older than Jeremy but not as old as Jenny. I go to school, but I'm finishing up early so that I can move to Poland. My favorite song is, "You're in my Heart" by Rod Stewart. It cracks me up and gives me that little jolt of excitement that only your favorite song can. Right now I am up way too late and ought to be in bed. I think that sounds like a fine idea. So I'm going to finish this up and head to bed.

So. That is the Page family. We are wishing you a merry few days after Christmas. And by we, I mean, I am. I hope that life is going well and that the new year doesn't suck as much as this Christmas news letter. ;)

just a piece of the sky.

The view out my window tonight.

the month of October.

man o man. There have been so many things going on.
Here is the month of October in photos. Sometimes we have so much for that I think it should be illegal....


....and then I realize that sometimes it is illegal. the court date is set for Nov. 22. wa-wa.

read this.

Don't let this be you. Fight illiteracy.

sneaky snake.

ha ha ha. I just saw my profile. It says that I'm 20. weird. No more being a teenager.

this picture is the last day of me being 19. pa-ha.
i might have the power, but it looks like i really just need sun glasses.







ps. i saw "snakes on a plane".

• go see it.
• take about 5 of your good buddies along with you.
• make hissing noises any time there is a quiet moment.
• as all the people are getting onto the plane make bets as to which ones will live and which ones will die.
• laugh heartily every time Samuel L. Jackson speaks.
• take a rubber snake along with you just for the thrill.
• don't worry about disrupting anyone else, because you and your friends are probably the only ones in there, besides, no one is really there to watch it seriously....and if they are there to watch it seriously, they will probably walk out in the first 15 minutes.
• fair warning, there is ridiculous nudity, and unecessary stupid/violent deaths.
• on second thought, it is a terrible movie.
• but it might've been worth it for the music video at the end.
• and to see Samuel L. Jackson tazing snakes....on a plane.
• ha ha ha ha.
• good night.
• lisa.

landslide.

Dear ----------,
I am sitting on the side of a mountain writing to you this letter. Letters are much more difficult than conversations. Its hard to stay to the point, because my thoughts are constantly wandering. With conversation, there is someone else to keep you on track. Maybe that is why God created other people and relationships -- so that we could actually think and whatnot -- ha ha, probably not. Oh well.
Well, since I am sitting here by myself with no one to converse with, I guess that you are going to get whatever random tangent comes to mine. Neat-o.
There are about a bajillion humming birds up here, and they all seem very fond of mating. I laughed at them for a while, but then sombered up when my mind drew the parallel between them and humans. (Drat. And once again thinking ruins one of life's hilarities -- but onle for a little while - they are just too dang funny not to laugh at.) Anyway, it just all seems so futile. C'mon! You are all just birds! You eat, mate and die. There is no hope for anything different or better. Why do you keep doing it?! Its hard to be realistic and not become cynical. But then, on the flip side of things, It really is difficult to stay cynical when everything that is surrounding me is incredible. And honestly, the lake, the mountain, the view -- they all are spectacular, and I would be very content if there were no humming birds. But none of those things have made me laugh or brought joy like these "futile" little birds have.
And maybe thats the basis of romance and relationship -- this little extra that we would be fine without, but that undeniably brings something to this life like nothing else can.
Hmm...Maybe relationships have less to do with love and more to do with hope and joy, and the hope of more joy to come. Think about it -- we might love our enemies, but we don't date them. Relationships start out of hope and joy and they end when the hope and joy are gone or if they've moved on to a new locations.
I also think that there is a deception. It's a false sense of this hope/joy combination that drives people to do foolish things. I believe it is not unlike the same feeling compulsive gamblers have. And unfortunately, it is not until they are found lacking something that they once cherished that they realize they were the the fool.
Then what happens next? Forgiveness. Not in the sense of "I'll take you back, lets forget that this happened" or even by giving up the pain that is caused. The pain was and is real. No, forgive to let go of bitterness. It is bitterness, not pain that will eat you up. (I realize that I am writing this as much to myself as I am to you.) Even if the other person doesn't know it right away, you must forgive. To go through it once is hard enough, but to keep reliving it is terrible.
Ok, new thought -- what then is love? Maybe it is a commitment to never even allow yourself to look for that hope and joy in anyone else. Maybe thats why marriages fall apart -- they were "committed" to each other, but they let their eyes and heart wander -- not with sinister intentions necessarily, and maybe it's not even that they let them wanter, but they had just neglected to guard against the temptations others present.
Ugnh. So how the heck do we know that when it's ok or safe to give away part of our hearts to someone else? I guess we don't. I read something that I'd written in my Bible -- "Without risk there is no faith" -- and I think that having faith in someone else is much more sketchy than having faith in God. It's a huge risk. And maybe thats why we're not forced to take it. And maybe love isn't the one to blame. Maybe it's not love that makes us turn to jello and blithering idiots. Maybe love is just a simplistic act of departing from ones self so that it doesn't care of it's accepted or rejected or forgotten. Is that possible? Oh, I don't know. Maybe there is no such thing as romantic love...? Bah.
Anyway, I am praying for you. Keep loving others as its in your heart to do. Id you have thoughts to add or whatnot, let me know.

Sincerely,
Lisa Page.

wave

things that bother you
never bother me,
i feel happy and fine.
aha!
living in the sunlight,
loving in the moonlight,
having a wonderful time.

haven't got a lot,
i don't need a lot,
coffee's only a dime.
living in the sunlight,
loving in the moonlight,
having a wonderful time.

The (Hood River water) District sleeps alone tonight.

Eeek.
This is a fun key board to type on.
And this page is just so.......green!!! neat.

I hope that Colin is doing well at his brat camp. (side note, Colin is not a camper. Don't get that confused. as Jeremy said, "colin is like the nicest kid in the world". So, Colin is not a brat camp....well he is....but not as a camper.....and it's not really called brat camp.....at least thats what he says.......we may never know the truth.) Anyway, I hope that he is well.

I am headed back to California soon. I am very excited to go on a back packing trip.
I was driving back from Portland last night and I-split-second- last-minute- waited-for-the-final-hour- decided that I wanted to go on a hike, so I pulled the car off the freeway, put my swimsuit on and went looking for a water fall. I found one. And then I found another. They were both very pretty and equally surprising. It is a marvelous thing to hear the sound of the freeway and the heat of the land melt away into a shwishing mist. And then I had to pee. It is also a marvelous thing to be able to pee in such a scenic location. Not that bathrooms aren't nice, but as a girl, I don't get tons of chances to pee outside whenever I'd like. Well, maybe I could, but I guess I just don't usually use those chances. Leave me alone.
I would post some pictures, but, Oh-Lordy, I can't find the cordy! ha ha ha. But I do have some other pictures of related events. Such as water. And a shower.




Yes, Love.


yes, lisa.

Whats that riding on your everything?

Oh got to see, got to know right now.


Jerms and I went to Pirate's Cove today. It was enjoyable. On the walk there, Jeremy demonstrated how he could walk on the railroad track while drinking his soda. It took a couple tries, but we finally got a picture of him actually doing it. Neat.

Then an osprey got very angry at us for walking under her nest and she threatened to dive-bomb us into oblivion. This is a picture that I took while I was covering my head/running away/building a shelter. It looks sort of like a bad picture. But don't let looks fool you. It is a very good picture. It captured the scene the exact way it looked through my tears of fear. Indeed!

All in all, it was a very enjoyable day. Jeremy put some sand on my back, "to help me cool off" but then I ended up getting sunburned except where the sand was, so now I have a neat sandy burn pattern on my back. =) wa-wa.

It isn't anything at all.

lisa.

just around the river bend.

There are so many great moments in life.

I just got back from Bend. Well, not just, but I did get back.


I've got nothing to do today but smile.


I think I just remembered what it is like to be me.
Meaning.... life is beautiful. There is life in me. There must be some beauty too.
ha ha ha. No, but really.

Sometimes I forget how simple it is to be amazing.

simply amazing.

Sincerely, lisa

where the heart (ache, burn, throb) is.

Country roads take me home, to the place I belong ... take me home.

Home --
-- where is it? what is it? who is it?

Ha ha ha.

The thought of home -- true home -- is one that has always brought me to tears (The "it's just so beautiful" type of tears.) I'm not exactly sure why.
But it seems that these feelings for home only get stronger the more I lose home.
I spend only 3 months a year in Hood River, meaning that 9 months out of the year are in California (yeah, I passed math. please hold your applause.). I am registered to vote in California. Currently, at least 10% of my worldly posessions could be found in five different places, in three different states. But the bed that I've slept in for the better part of 16 years (I didn't get this bed until I was three) is still in the home, that I've lived in for the better part of my entire life, in Hood River. So where does that leave me? I don't know... Out in the cold as some responsible adult -- ha!

I've lost more of the definition of who I am this year then I would've been comfortable with had I known before hand.
I say good riddance. I will disappear completely before I am in my true self anyway. (I feel that I am sounding like a doped up hippy dippy sort. I'm not sure that I am making complete sense, and these running spiritul methaphors and allusions are even a bit much for me to keep up with. but I press on...) (second thought, not much more pressing on for tonight. I'm pressing onto bed because it is late and I am tired.) But I will leave you with this, and this is what I hold hope to...

"And that time I will gather you; at that time I will bring you home." (zep 3:20)

Until it's time to pack up and go, lisa.

He who is with perfect pitch, let him cast the first tone.

When peace, like a river, attendeth my way...
When sorrows like sea billows roll...
Whatever my lot, Thou has taught me to say,
It is well, It is well with my soul.

Let peace be with you in these strange new times....

Man, O, Man. Life is strange, and new, and times.

Read this:

"Wonder is my second favorite condition to be in, after love -- and I sometimes wonder whether there's even a difference: maybe love is just wonder aimed at a beloved. Wonder is like grace, in that it's not a condition we grasp: wonder grasps us. We do have the freedom to elude wonder's grasp. We have the freedom to do all sorts of stupid things. By deploying cynicism, rationalism, fear, arrogance, judgementalism, we can evade wonder nonstop, all our lives. I'm not too fond of that gnarly old word, sin, but the deliberate evasion of wonder does bring it to mind. It may not be biblically sinful to evade wonder. But it is artistically and spiritually sinful."
..."Philosophically speaking, wonder is crucial to finding knowledge yet has everything to do with ignorance. Only an admission of ignorance can open us to fresh knowing. Wonder is the experience of that admission: wonder is unknowing, experienced as pleasure. Wonder if a period at the end of a statement we've long taken for granted, suddenly looking up and seeing the sinuous curve of a tall black hat on its head, and realizing it was a question mark all along.
As a facial expression, wonder is the letter O our eyes and make when the state itself descends. O: God's middle initial. O: because wonder Opens us. O(ld) becoming new. Wonder is anything taken for granted -- the old neighborhood, old job, old buddy, old spouse -- suddenly filling with mystery. Wonder is anything closed, suddenly opening: anything at all opening -- which includes Pandora's box, and brings me to the dark side of wonder. Grateful as I am for this condition, wonder, like everthing on earth, has a dark side. Heartbreak, grief, and suffering rip openings in us through which the dark kind of wonder pours. I have so far found it impossible to be spontaneously grateful for these openings. But when, after struggle, I've been able to turn a corner and at least accept the openings, dark wonder has helped me endure the heartbreak, the suffering, the grief.
I believe that is it wonder, even more than fidelity, that keeps marriages alive. I believe it is wonder, more than courage, that conquers fear of death. I believe that is it wonder, not D.A.R.E. bumper stickers, that keep kids off drugs. I believe, speaking of old bumper stickers, that it is wonder, even more than me, that I want to "HUG MY KIDS YET TODAY," because wonder can keep hugging them long after I'm gone. " (David James Duncan -- God Laughs and Plays)






And I think that Rubick's Cubes are God's gift to mankind. Jesus too.

So much love, Lisa.